Places We Go When Things Aren’t What They Seem

Sometimes at work, things just don’t line up the way we expect them to. A situation feels off, or our emotions don’t match what’s happening around us. We might be experiencing multiple feelings at once like pride and sadness, relief and regret, clarity and confusion.

This “place” is where we go when things are nuanced, layered, and not quite what they seem.

The Emotions Under the Surface

Amusement
A pleasurable, relaxed excitement often accompanied by laughter and lightness.

Bittersweet
A mixed feeling of happiness and sadness.

Nostalgia
A yearning for the way things used to be, often an idealized and self-protective version of the past.

Cognitive Dissonance
A state of tension that occurs when we hold two ideas, beliefs, or attitudes that are psychologically inconsistent with one another.

Paradox
The appearance of contradiction between two related components that seem opposed but may both be true.

Irony
A form of communication in which the literal meaning of words differs from the intended message. Often includes humor or subtle critique.

Sarcasm
A specific form of irony where the intent is usually to ridicule, tease, or criticize.

Why This Place Is So Common at Work

Work is rarely black and white and our feelings about work are just as complex.

You might have a job that pays well and colleagues you love yet still feel unhappy. You might feel disappointed that you didn’t land a big account but secretly relieved that it won’t consume your nights and weekends.

So what happens when two seemingly opposite things are true at once? Or when your external reality doesn’t match your internal reaction?

As Brené Brown reminds us:

“In challenging moments of dissonance, we need to stay curious and resist choosing comfort over courage. It’s brave to invite new information to the table, to sit with it and hear it out.”

When things aren’t what they seem, our instinct is often to flatten the emotion and to simplify, avoid, or say nothing at all. But that complexity is often where the most meaningful insights live.

The Default Emotion: Nothing

When reality feels out of sync with our expectations, the most common reaction isn’t anger or sadness; it’s silence.

We go quiet because it’s complicated. We don’t know what to name, or we fear revealing the disconnect between how things look and how they feel.

Some people might manage a neutral “I’m confused,” but few go further to describe what’s really happening underneath. They don’t have the language to describe that reality feels mismatched, or that two emotions are competing for space at once.

Digging Deeper

When things feel off or unclear, try asking yourself:

·       Am I feeling multiple emotions that seem at odds with each other?

·       Did something unexpected happen, and am I reacting to the surprise itself more than the event?

·       Am I longing for how things used to be?

·       Are there conflicting beliefs or expectations at play here?

·       Have I misunderstood someone’s tone or intent? Has someone misunderstood mine?

Naming these experiences helps you stay grounded in truth rather than assumption.

The Power of Naming It

Accurately naming what you’re feeling gives you and others the permission to honor complexity instead of hiding it.

Example 1:
Rather than saying nothing, you express that your coworker’s promotion feels bittersweet. You’re genuinely happy for them, but also sad to lose a close ally who’s had your back for years. Naming it invites nuance. It tells others they can celebrate and empathize with you at the same time.

Example 2:
Instead of defaulting to “I’m confused,” you recognize cognitive dissonance. You feel tension between what you believe is right and what’s being asked of you. By naming it, you open a space for dialogue and stand in courage instead of quiet discomfort.

Naming what’s really happening gives everyone (including you) the power to respond with clarity instead of assumption.

Want to Go Deeper?

If your team is ready to better understand emotions at work and build shared language around them, visit Emotions at Work to learn more about our 2-hour virtual workshop.