Places We Go When Things Don’t Go as Planned at Work
When things don’t go as planned, most of us know the feeling before we can name it. A meeting derails. A project misses the mark. A promotion doesn’t come through. The gap between what we expected and what actually happened can bring up a rush of emotions and if we only call it frustration, we miss the full picture of what’s going on inside.
In Atlas of the Heart, Brené Brown explores the emotional landscape of these moments and helps us build language for the “places we go” when plans unravel.
The Emotions Under the Surface
Boredom
The uncomfortable state of wanting to engage in satisfying activity but being unable to do it.
Disappointment
Unmet expectations. The more significant the expectations, the more significant the disappointment.
Expectations
When we develop expectations, we paint a picture in our heads of how things are going to be and how they’re going to look.
Unexamined and unexpressed expectations (the “stealth” kind) often lead to misunderstanding or resentment.
Examined and expressed expectations invite clarity, alignment, and accountability.
Regret
When an outcome wasn’t what we wanted, counted on, or thought would happen but we believe our decisions or actions played a role.
Discouraged, Resigned, and Frustrated
Discouraged means losing confidence and enthusiasm about a future effort.
Resigned means already having lost confidence and enthusiasm about a future effort.
Frustrated means something that feels out of your control is preventing you from achieving a desired outcome.
Why This Place Is So Common at Work
This “place” is all about expectations and work is full of them. Every meeting, every project, every deadline involves people with their own unspoken assumptions about what “success” looks like. With so many moving parts, it’s inevitable that things will sometimes go differently than we imagined.
As Brené Brown writes, “The idea of ‘no regrets’ doesn’t mean living with courage, it means living without reflection. To live without regret is to believe we have nothing to learn, no amends to make, and no opportunity to be braver with our lives.”
Disappointment and regret are signs that we care and have invested energy and hope into something meaningful. Leaders, I would argue that these emotions from team members are a good thing!
The Default Emotion: “I’m Frustrated”
But when things don’t go as planned, “I’m frustrated” is one of the most common workplace phrases you’ll likely hear out of your team members mouths. It’s a safe word. It communicates discomfort but doesn’t reveal too much.
But frustration often acts as a cover emotion. Beneath it, we might be disappointed, discouraged, or even regretful. These are more vulnerable words, but also more accurate ones.
Digging Deeper
So, what can you do? When plans fall apart, I would encourage you to ask yourself:
Do I feel disappointed because my expectations weren’t met?
Do I feel discouraged because my confidence about the future is fading?
Do I feel bored because I’m not challenged or engaged?
Do I feel regret because I wish I had made a different decision?
Sometimes the real emotion offers a clue about what’s needed next. Is your imagination calling for something new? Are you mourning an expectation that needs to be redefined? The answer helps you take a step forward with awareness instead of the reactivity that may feel like the obvious response to frustration.
The Power of Naming It
Once you can accurately define what you’re feeling, you can respond with clarity both with yourself and others.
Example 1:
Rather than saying, “I’m frustrated,” you identify that you’re discouraged. You’re losing confidence about future efforts but want to rebuild it. Now you can ask: What’s one thing I can do to regain confidence in my next attempt?
Example 2:
Instead of “I’m frustrated,” you recognize that you’re disappointed. That opens a conversation: Here’s what I expected. Can we talk about what went differently? When shared, disappointment becomes an opportunity for clearer communication and stronger collaboration.
Naming emotions builds emotional literacy across teams, and that’s the foundation of trust, resilience, and innovation.
Want to Explore This with Your Team?
Understanding emotions at work is a skill and one that transforms how teams communicate and collaborate. Visit Emotions at Work to bring this work to life with your team through our 2-hour virtual webinar. Together, we’ll explore how emotional awareness can unlock confidence, clarity, and connection in your workplace.